a little september angst

Why should a person prefer one place over another?

It's a question I ask myself a lot. It's a question you have to ask yourself when you chose to live on the farm.

I like living on the prairies. I like seeing the sunsets and the stars; the chinook arches in winter; the flocks of geese in spring and fall. I like the fields of wheat and barley; the smell of hay in summer and the sound of frogs in the slough.

But whenever time I visit the mountains it takes every ounce of willpower to stop myself packing up and moving there.

A weekend visit to Banff and Canmore reminded me of how much I love the mountain air, the mountain weather and mountain views. Maybe it's the novelty of it: Endiang, Alberta isn't exactly noted for its vertical height or majestic beauty. Perhaps if I lived there it would quickly grow old.

Then again, maybe it wouldn't.

At the same time I feel an overwhelming sense of loyalty to the old farmstead. A glance at the family tree shows that my family has stayed far longer on that patch of ground than they ever had anywhere else: prior to my grandfather's generation my forebears spent their time wandering around Europe and North America: England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, France, Holland, Germany, New York, Northern Ontario, Kentucky, Illinois, Saskatchewan, Idaho being just a few of the birthplaces that show up on the old pedigree.

The wandering stops when you get to the farm. It seems that prairie dust and slough water get into the veins after all.

Sometimes I feel like it's a cop-out to stay here on the farm, that teaching is just a way to postpone the inevitable.

I feel like I need to do this, though. I cannot just give up on a farm my father, grand-father, and great grand-father worked.

It would be easy, but I'd consider myself a failure if I did.

So, I'll give it a try. If, in ten, fifteen, twenty years time it looks like farming's a bust I'll admit defeat. Pack up my bags and find a nice, quiet mountain to hang around on.

But something in my bones tells me that whether on a prairie or a peak I'm going to end up on a farm.